For week 2 it was on the Holy Spirit. I had some questions that I had been confused about so I got those clarified that week. The biggest thing for me was the day we were learning how to hear God's voice.
After our speaker taught & people asked questions she had us ask the Holy Spirit what He thought of us.
Flashing before my eyes was a butterfly, then a flower, then an eye.
I was like ok, thats cool... then She had us ask Him what is He doing to me in this season?
I heard Him say: I am setting you free.
again, I was like ok, thats cool..
I then started to just sit there and think about it.. butterfly, flower, eye, setting me free.
It all came together then. Throughout this past year people would get flowers for me when they would pray for me and the Lord had had been speaking to me through butterflies. One of my most favorite dreams I had was this beautiful garden & a butterfly in it. I knew that dream was symbolizing a season I was in & God was pruning me to make me more like Him. There is a ton more things the Lord has spoke resembling that I will "burst" or "explode" (set free) .. but that's just too much typing :)
In this season the Lord is setting me free from fear of man, probably the biggest thing. I also know that there is more deeper stuff in me that He will be setting me free from.
Setting me free to who He created me to be!!
This week was "Corporate" week where all the DTS' get together for class. The theme for the week was Awakening the Dreams that God has for us.
Heidi Baker came and shared with us one day. She had told us about this vision that the Holy Spirit showed her. Click this link to read the full vision. This vision she shared with us just hit me. I am SUCH a person that thinks I need to be in control. The first week of being here at YWAM the Lord had started dealing with me about it ! But this vision.. it hit me so hard because we feel as though we are forerunners for the return of Jesus! That this generation right now is the "man running before the bridegroom telling everyone HE'S COMING!!!! WAKE UP!!!!!! " Seriously. One of our friends pointed out to us that right now America is in the biggest economic fall but here at YWAM there is more students than there ever has been and next quarter there is supposed to be even more! They are running out of housing! How are we affording this? We don't have jobs. Jesus is blessing it because the harvest is ripe! He is sending us out! We are hearing about revival happening in muslim towns! Muslim families coming to accept Jesus. Muslim people traveling because they heard christians are near & they know that their God can heal them! In a communist country a ywam team just got invited to speak at a church! This is not heard of !! Something is changing in the spiritual realm. Revival is happening.
Lord, wake me up! Wake up the Church! Set our eyes on you. Turn us back from "doing" and let us be sitting at your feet. I want to know your heart. I want to know you intimately.
My heart cries out just to know you..
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
week 1
We can't believe we have only been here a week! It feels like months with everything we have been learning & what the Lord has been doing in us!
So, the basics of what we've been learning is that the Gospel is simple. Take it as face value. Something that really hit me was saying I will follow Jesus even if something were to happen to JR. He is WORTHY! Even if the Lord were to give me nothing.. I will follow Him. I will follow Him where He says to go. I don't need to ask why. Just go. haha. so simple, right!
Most people build their foundation on loving Jesus but that is wrong! Our foundation needs to be the revelation of God's love for US! If it isn't that then eventually our foundation will be washed away. The Lord has been stripping me away of things & it is leading up to me being in a vulnerable place with Him. I want my life to be like Mary's. Wasting my life at Jesus' feet!! How beautiful are His feet! Another thing that kinda just hit me was just gazing into His eyes & staring at His beauty! Laying my dreams & desires at His feet. Saying Jesus, I just want YOU & believing those desires will come as the overflow.
The Lord showed me this picture of me holding my heart. He said you aren't letting me fully get to your heart, you are trying to control our relationship so you won't get hurt. So, basically He is taking me out of this place of "controlling" to a place of "trusting" & of "intimacy" with Him.
--Ashley.
God is just so BIG! I've always known that, but i didn't know it like i know it now. There are a lot of things like that that i have always known, but are just now getting actually revealed to my heart! I'm loving it! Jesus give me more! Some of the biggest things that i am learning are about God's true love, how even when there was not a good response. I mean they were spitting in His face when He was trying to give His life up for them, how did I ever feel a right to be angry at someone? He was giving the greatest sacrifice of all, in love, and i get mad when people don't appreciate something little that i do for them!
Another thing that i have been rocked with is just the fear that i have walked in. I have always considered myself a pretty confident person, but really i have always had this fear of rejection, fear of not progressing, fear of what people are going to think. in order to live totally for Jesus we need to have no fear though, this is another thing that i have always known, but now i really know it. In Jesus there is no fear, and i am in Jesus, so if the Bible is true we should have no fear right? If God is real all fear should be gone from us. Big statement, but we have a big God.
Lastly, I have been learning about intimacy with God, and evangelism/missions. They are both equally important! Spending hours at a time in prayer and intercession for the nations, getting to know (really know) Abba, Daddy, God, and seeing Him in the most intimate ways. He desires that so much! we are His children. He wants to spend time with us and teach us the things that are on His heart, but He also wants us to go out and spread the Gospel of Salvation and the Kingdom to all the nations and languages of the world. Intimacy and Impact. This is where the name Fire and Fragrance comes from, the fire from that intimacy with God that spreads it fragrance all over the world. Its not just one or the other. Its not either spending hours in prayer or going out into the world spreading the Gospel. Its both and. It is the marriage of prayer and missions. That is what we are here for and that is what we were created for!! To be intimate with our Creator and to do all the things that He tells us to do. That is all.
So, the basics of what we've been learning is that the Gospel is simple. Take it as face value. Something that really hit me was saying I will follow Jesus even if something were to happen to JR. He is WORTHY! Even if the Lord were to give me nothing.. I will follow Him. I will follow Him where He says to go. I don't need to ask why. Just go. haha. so simple, right!
Most people build their foundation on loving Jesus but that is wrong! Our foundation needs to be the revelation of God's love for US! If it isn't that then eventually our foundation will be washed away. The Lord has been stripping me away of things & it is leading up to me being in a vulnerable place with Him. I want my life to be like Mary's. Wasting my life at Jesus' feet!! How beautiful are His feet! Another thing that kinda just hit me was just gazing into His eyes & staring at His beauty! Laying my dreams & desires at His feet. Saying Jesus, I just want YOU & believing those desires will come as the overflow.
The Lord showed me this picture of me holding my heart. He said you aren't letting me fully get to your heart, you are trying to control our relationship so you won't get hurt. So, basically He is taking me out of this place of "controlling" to a place of "trusting" & of "intimacy" with Him.
--Ashley.
God is just so BIG! I've always known that, but i didn't know it like i know it now. There are a lot of things like that that i have always known, but are just now getting actually revealed to my heart! I'm loving it! Jesus give me more! Some of the biggest things that i am learning are about God's true love, how even when there was not a good response. I mean they were spitting in His face when He was trying to give His life up for them, how did I ever feel a right to be angry at someone? He was giving the greatest sacrifice of all, in love, and i get mad when people don't appreciate something little that i do for them!
Another thing that i have been rocked with is just the fear that i have walked in. I have always considered myself a pretty confident person, but really i have always had this fear of rejection, fear of not progressing, fear of what people are going to think. in order to live totally for Jesus we need to have no fear though, this is another thing that i have always known, but now i really know it. In Jesus there is no fear, and i am in Jesus, so if the Bible is true we should have no fear right? If God is real all fear should be gone from us. Big statement, but we have a big God.
Lastly, I have been learning about intimacy with God, and evangelism/missions. They are both equally important! Spending hours at a time in prayer and intercession for the nations, getting to know (really know) Abba, Daddy, God, and seeing Him in the most intimate ways. He desires that so much! we are His children. He wants to spend time with us and teach us the things that are on His heart, but He also wants us to go out and spread the Gospel of Salvation and the Kingdom to all the nations and languages of the world. Intimacy and Impact. This is where the name Fire and Fragrance comes from, the fire from that intimacy with God that spreads it fragrance all over the world. Its not just one or the other. Its not either spending hours in prayer or going out into the world spreading the Gospel. Its both and. It is the marriage of prayer and missions. That is what we are here for and that is what we were created for!! To be intimate with our Creator and to do all the things that He tells us to do. That is all.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Aloha!! from Kona, Hawaii
Aloha! from Kona, Hawaii!!!!!!
Man, We cannot get over the beauty & how blessed we are that God has called us here to ywam!!! We had 12 hours of travel time and got to meet some of our fire & fragrance family in the airport in Seattle! It has been crazy busy & overwhelming at times but we are loving it!! We are meeting people from all over the world it is so cool!! Including Korea, Norway, England, Australia, Canada, and various places across the U.S.
Yesterday we had our school orientation and went through the handbook. Andy Byrd, the one who pioneered fire & fragrance was there going through this and telling us what fire & fragrance is all about. He touched on the "revival culture" & the different traits that it is. The 5 different traits that lead to that atmosphere are: Just Jesus, Faith, Holiness, Thankfulness, & Discipleship. The things that stuck out to us the most is: repentance is a gift and we should have joy filled repentance and that will lead to having more of Jesus. God wants to speak to us because He wants to use us through our simple obedience! Where Jesus is the center of anything.. that IS REVIVAL!! There was a lot of other amazing things he said but I walked away from that saying, .. and this is only the handbook. --- Can't wait to see how the Lord transforms our hearts & lives.
Man, We cannot get over the beauty & how blessed we are that God has called us here to ywam!!! We had 12 hours of travel time and got to meet some of our fire & fragrance family in the airport in Seattle! It has been crazy busy & overwhelming at times but we are loving it!! We are meeting people from all over the world it is so cool!! Including Korea, Norway, England, Australia, Canada, and various places across the U.S.
Yesterday we had our school orientation and went through the handbook. Andy Byrd, the one who pioneered fire & fragrance was there going through this and telling us what fire & fragrance is all about. He touched on the "revival culture" & the different traits that it is. The 5 different traits that lead to that atmosphere are: Just Jesus, Faith, Holiness, Thankfulness, & Discipleship. The things that stuck out to us the most is: repentance is a gift and we should have joy filled repentance and that will lead to having more of Jesus. God wants to speak to us because He wants to use us through our simple obedience! Where Jesus is the center of anything.. that IS REVIVAL!! There was a lot of other amazing things he said but I walked away from that saying, .. and this is only the handbook. --- Can't wait to see how the Lord transforms our hearts & lives.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
a goodbye
As this year is ending soon the words that the Holy Spirit spoke to us on Jan 1, 2011 have been on my mind a lot. He promised us that this year was for preparation & at the end of the year He would push us out. Well, in 6 days we are leaving Glendive, leaving our family, our friends, and pretty much anything we are familiar with. We will be flying out Jan 5th to Kona, Hawaii.
I feel like we've been walking through this year and finally we can see a door at the end. I don't know what is behind that door but we have confidence that it is good. We are excited to go & be wrecked by the Lord. He has already been wrecking us & it has been amazing!! [ that is foolishness to the world; something new the Lord has been speaking to us about] He has began to put desires & dreams in our hearts. He is calling us to live radically obedient to Him! We know that through this school the Lord is going to do deep, deep work & we will be totally wrecked in a way that we will never be the same.
On Saturday the Glendive Alliance Church is hosting a Burn, which is a time of worship & intercession. Jr & I will be seeking the Lord for new promises He has for us for this year. I want to encourage you to do the same, it doesn't have to be there but wherever you are, seek the Lord for His promises for you this year! It is really cool seeing Him fulfill those promises! It is really helpful throughout the year too, you can always remember those promises and hold onto them in tough times.
The next blog we write, we will probably be in Kona so make sure you keep checking back to hear what the Lord is doing in us!!
Thank you to everyone who is praying for us & who donated to us! We know without a doubt this is where the Lord called us to, so thank you for being obedient to Him!! We love you all!!! Have a Happy New Year!! And be expectant of the Lord to do a deep work in your life & in Glendive!! We have high expectations for Glendive this year!! Can't wait to see what He does!!
I feel like we've been walking through this year and finally we can see a door at the end. I don't know what is behind that door but we have confidence that it is good. We are excited to go & be wrecked by the Lord. He has already been wrecking us & it has been amazing!! [ that is foolishness to the world; something new the Lord has been speaking to us about] He has began to put desires & dreams in our hearts. He is calling us to live radically obedient to Him! We know that through this school the Lord is going to do deep, deep work & we will be totally wrecked in a way that we will never be the same.
On Saturday the Glendive Alliance Church is hosting a Burn, which is a time of worship & intercession. Jr & I will be seeking the Lord for new promises He has for us for this year. I want to encourage you to do the same, it doesn't have to be there but wherever you are, seek the Lord for His promises for you this year! It is really cool seeing Him fulfill those promises! It is really helpful throughout the year too, you can always remember those promises and hold onto them in tough times.
The next blog we write, we will probably be in Kona so make sure you keep checking back to hear what the Lord is doing in us!!
Thank you to everyone who is praying for us & who donated to us! We know without a doubt this is where the Lord called us to, so thank you for being obedient to Him!! We love you all!!! Have a Happy New Year!! And be expectant of the Lord to do a deep work in your life & in Glendive!! We have high expectations for Glendive this year!! Can't wait to see what He does!!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Seeing through the "eyes of your heart"
HEY!!! I can't even begin to explain all of the things that God has been revealing to me ever since I confessed my addiction to pornography. I have a journal and I have never really been too big into writing in it a lot, but since Sept. 28 i have filled up more that half of my journal, just trying to remember all the new things that i am learning and going through. My biggest prayer since all of this has happened was that through all of this that i could help other men who struggle with the same problems as me. Hope you enjoy what God is doing, not just in me but so many others.
God i pray that i could confine all of the things that You are doing into a short enough blog that people could keep paying attention. Thank You.
Something that has been coming up so much is the few verses in Ephesians 1. It is Paul's prayer for that church,
Eph 1:17-18 "that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory,
(may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him,
the eyes of your heart being enlightened; that you may know the what is the hope of His calling),
what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints.
this has been my prayer for me, and the whole church body. God give us new and fresh revelation about You and who You are!! and that "the eyes of our heart would be enlightened". God help us to GET IT! really get it, not just know in our head things about You, but know in the depths of our hearts the things about You that captivate us!!
God has enlightened the eyes of my heart in so many ways, i understand so much better now the need for intimacy with Jesus. i listened to a sermon by Misty Edwards on the parable of the 10 virgins called psalm 45. i have no idea why she called it that, but she went through and explained what the things in there represented. the 10 virgins are believers in the last days waiting on Jesus' return. The lamps are there calling, or their ministry. finally the oil represents intimacy with Jesus. in the last days there will be foolish Christians that are so focused on their ministry (lamp) that they won't actually be spending the time with Jesus (oil). then when He comes back He will say "I never knew you". then there will be wise one that took the time to spend with our Lord that they really know Him intimately and they will be ready for the marriage feast!!
We all need to be spending more time with the One who made us. He really wants us to know Him intimately, more than what we see in the church today. We will be married to Him some day, would you want to get married to someone that you didn't know that well? Neither does Jesus!
We are the body of Christ, and when my stomach has something good in it, the rest of my body knows it and gets to experience the joy from that good thing. I am convinced that when Christ is working in one, like me, it is most definitely not limited to that one person, Christ extends the goodness to all. So i know that as my eyes are being enlightened and i am growing in intimacy with Him so will you!! When we are obedient to Him, He blesses us beyond belief, get out of the rut that you are in and spend time with the Joy Maker :)
God i pray that i could confine all of the things that You are doing into a short enough blog that people could keep paying attention. Thank You.
Something that has been coming up so much is the few verses in Ephesians 1. It is Paul's prayer for that church,
Eph 1:17-18 "that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory,
(may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him,
the eyes of your heart being enlightened; that you may know the what is the hope of His calling),
what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints.
this has been my prayer for me, and the whole church body. God give us new and fresh revelation about You and who You are!! and that "the eyes of our heart would be enlightened". God help us to GET IT! really get it, not just know in our head things about You, but know in the depths of our hearts the things about You that captivate us!!
God has enlightened the eyes of my heart in so many ways, i understand so much better now the need for intimacy with Jesus. i listened to a sermon by Misty Edwards on the parable of the 10 virgins called psalm 45. i have no idea why she called it that, but she went through and explained what the things in there represented. the 10 virgins are believers in the last days waiting on Jesus' return. The lamps are there calling, or their ministry. finally the oil represents intimacy with Jesus. in the last days there will be foolish Christians that are so focused on their ministry (lamp) that they won't actually be spending the time with Jesus (oil). then when He comes back He will say "I never knew you". then there will be wise one that took the time to spend with our Lord that they really know Him intimately and they will be ready for the marriage feast!!
We all need to be spending more time with the One who made us. He really wants us to know Him intimately, more than what we see in the church today. We will be married to Him some day, would you want to get married to someone that you didn't know that well? Neither does Jesus!
We are the body of Christ, and when my stomach has something good in it, the rest of my body knows it and gets to experience the joy from that good thing. I am convinced that when Christ is working in one, like me, it is most definitely not limited to that one person, Christ extends the goodness to all. So i know that as my eyes are being enlightened and i am growing in intimacy with Him so will you!! When we are obedient to Him, He blesses us beyond belief, get out of the rut that you are in and spend time with the Joy Maker :)
Monday, December 5, 2011
this is my heart.
There is a new passion rising up in me.
With everything that has happened in these last few months I have learned a lot. One thing is that you can't think "that will never happen to me" or never think "that sin" could happen to you.
As women we need to stop being ignorant and stop pretending that this could never happen to us because the guys we know love Jesus or because they love us too much to do that. The reality is that the devil is out to kill, steal, and destroy YOU. your life. your marriage. your family. your kids. He will do anything to do it.
So, how can we as women help our men keep their eyes pure? Dressing modestly. It is that simple. I think it is such a small thing that it gets overlooked but this action will help drastically! I want to help women understand how this can impact every guy we come in contact with.
Pornography is like the Elephant in the Room. Everyone knows it is there but the women think it isn't happening to anyone they know. And the men know it all too well. I am not saying every guy struggles with this because they don't. I just know that lust is everywhere in this world and if you don't be purposeful to keep your eyes pure it will be too far easy for the enemy to entrap you in this sin.
What would happen if us as women stopped turning our cheek away from this and actually confronted this? Can we really change this culture of sex and raise awareness about what it is actually doing?
Quick Fact: Studies show that a person's brain on meth & a person's brain that uses pornography trigger endorphin's the same way.
I want everyone to know that I love Jr more than I ever have. These last few months have literally been the best months of my life. We have became so close and our hearts are running after Jesus more then ever before. I love Jr's heart<3. He wants what the Lord has for Him and what He has called Jr to be & he wants to be the best possible husband he can be.
--ashley. :)
With everything that has happened in these last few months I have learned a lot. One thing is that you can't think "that will never happen to me" or never think "that sin" could happen to you.
As women we need to stop being ignorant and stop pretending that this could never happen to us because the guys we know love Jesus or because they love us too much to do that. The reality is that the devil is out to kill, steal, and destroy YOU. your life. your marriage. your family. your kids. He will do anything to do it.
So, how can we as women help our men keep their eyes pure? Dressing modestly. It is that simple. I think it is such a small thing that it gets overlooked but this action will help drastically! I want to help women understand how this can impact every guy we come in contact with.
Pornography is like the Elephant in the Room. Everyone knows it is there but the women think it isn't happening to anyone they know. And the men know it all too well. I am not saying every guy struggles with this because they don't. I just know that lust is everywhere in this world and if you don't be purposeful to keep your eyes pure it will be too far easy for the enemy to entrap you in this sin.
What would happen if us as women stopped turning our cheek away from this and actually confronted this? Can we really change this culture of sex and raise awareness about what it is actually doing?
Quick Fact: Studies show that a person's brain on meth & a person's brain that uses pornography trigger endorphin's the same way.
I want everyone to know that I love Jr more than I ever have. These last few months have literally been the best months of my life. We have became so close and our hearts are running after Jesus more then ever before. I love Jr's heart<3. He wants what the Lord has for Him and what He has called Jr to be & he wants to be the best possible husband he can be.
--ashley. :)
Saturday, December 3, 2011
confession & redemption
So... there has been SO much going on in the last 2 months. Starting on September 28th, 2011 i finally confessed to Ashley that I had been living in sin. i had been looking at porn very regularly since before we were married. there were some breakthroughs for a couple of those months, but mostly i was doing this almost every day. it started with my smartphone, i knew as soon as i got that i was going to be able find porn on there. i figured that it would just be every now and then, and i wouldn't let it get out of control or nothing, and that once we got married it would stop because i wouldn't have to deal with this temptation anymore because we were going to be able to have sex. These were all lies that i listened too, sin is never something that u can just do sometimes, and it always gets out of control when its allowed. This was a trap like most sins are for ppl, i tried so hard to get out of it by myself, but never succeeded.
There were so many times that i would want to cry out for help because of sermons that i heard or just because of feelings of guilt and condemnation were so strong and i just wanted them to stop. I had an accountability group that had my back and i would tell them about my failures and they would try to help me. They would encourage me to confess to Ashley my sin, i couldn't do it. Ashley had expressed to me her hatred for pornography and the way that men think about women a few times, and that made me scared to tell her. I would think, "what if she wants to divorce me?" We had just gotten married and i loved her so much, so i reasoned in my head that i couldn't tell her.
This went on for over a year. Finally after hearing a sermon on how Jesus can sanctify us, or cleanse us, i decided that i was going to tell Ashley. I wanted it to be the perfect time though, like some weekend when there wasn't anything going on so that we could spend the time to talk it out. That perfect time didn't seem like it was coming, and i was quickly figuring out ways to talk myself out of it. I would say to myself "I will trust in God for deliverance and then once i have been completely freed from it i will tell Ashley about how i used to struggle with it." Bad idea. Ashley had a dream one night that i was cheating on her, so she asked me, just to make sure, if anything like that was going on. So i knew that this is my chance, and so i told Ashley the whole truth!
i figured that since i was finally doing what God wanted me to do that He would reward me for it and things would be smooth sailing from there. it wasn't. It took a long time for Ashley to really be able to understand more of my struggle. We both were reading books talking about men and porn. She found one for women, "Every Heart Restored", and i read "Every Man's Battle" and "Pure Eyes". All great books that helped us both. The "Pure Eyes" book really helped me to understand that it was an addiction and that there were so many triggers that i didn't even realize, like emotional triggers, i had no idea that when i was angry or sad it was so much easier for me to talk myself into sinning.
Since i finally confessed to Ash my sin it has been so much easier to battle temptation. It was the hardest and best thing that has ever happened in our marriage! We heard from books and from other ppl that this is something that we would always have to deal with, but today as we were having our Jesus time in our living room Ash came across a promise, Psalm 3:3-4 "You are a shield around me, O Lord; You bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud, and He answers me from His holy hill." 3:8 "From the Lord comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people." We do NOT have to deal with this forever, God has promised to redeem and sanctify us for His glory and we need to take Him on His word that He really will sanctify us!
Enough of this weak battle that we have been fighting, men and women, we need to stand on God's promises that He will take care of us. My prayer is that we can be radically obedient to God and do whatever He wants us to do. We were created for one purpose, to GLORIFY GOD WITH EVERYTHING!! lets do it and not let sin and temptation hold us back and make us fear. Since my confession God has been able to work in both Ashley and i so much and i want to share with the world, but i can only do so much at one time, so hopefully i can share more soon..
--JR.
There were so many times that i would want to cry out for help because of sermons that i heard or just because of feelings of guilt and condemnation were so strong and i just wanted them to stop. I had an accountability group that had my back and i would tell them about my failures and they would try to help me. They would encourage me to confess to Ashley my sin, i couldn't do it. Ashley had expressed to me her hatred for pornography and the way that men think about women a few times, and that made me scared to tell her. I would think, "what if she wants to divorce me?" We had just gotten married and i loved her so much, so i reasoned in my head that i couldn't tell her.
This went on for over a year. Finally after hearing a sermon on how Jesus can sanctify us, or cleanse us, i decided that i was going to tell Ashley. I wanted it to be the perfect time though, like some weekend when there wasn't anything going on so that we could spend the time to talk it out. That perfect time didn't seem like it was coming, and i was quickly figuring out ways to talk myself out of it. I would say to myself "I will trust in God for deliverance and then once i have been completely freed from it i will tell Ashley about how i used to struggle with it." Bad idea. Ashley had a dream one night that i was cheating on her, so she asked me, just to make sure, if anything like that was going on. So i knew that this is my chance, and so i told Ashley the whole truth!
i figured that since i was finally doing what God wanted me to do that He would reward me for it and things would be smooth sailing from there. it wasn't. It took a long time for Ashley to really be able to understand more of my struggle. We both were reading books talking about men and porn. She found one for women, "Every Heart Restored", and i read "Every Man's Battle" and "Pure Eyes". All great books that helped us both. The "Pure Eyes" book really helped me to understand that it was an addiction and that there were so many triggers that i didn't even realize, like emotional triggers, i had no idea that when i was angry or sad it was so much easier for me to talk myself into sinning.
Since i finally confessed to Ash my sin it has been so much easier to battle temptation. It was the hardest and best thing that has ever happened in our marriage! We heard from books and from other ppl that this is something that we would always have to deal with, but today as we were having our Jesus time in our living room Ash came across a promise, Psalm 3:3-4 "You are a shield around me, O Lord; You bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud, and He answers me from His holy hill." 3:8 "From the Lord comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people." We do NOT have to deal with this forever, God has promised to redeem and sanctify us for His glory and we need to take Him on His word that He really will sanctify us!
Enough of this weak battle that we have been fighting, men and women, we need to stand on God's promises that He will take care of us. My prayer is that we can be radically obedient to God and do whatever He wants us to do. We were created for one purpose, to GLORIFY GOD WITH EVERYTHING!! lets do it and not let sin and temptation hold us back and make us fear. Since my confession God has been able to work in both Ashley and i so much and i want to share with the world, but i can only do so much at one time, so hopefully i can share more soon..
--JR.
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